Who we are

Our website address is: http://EnvoyDesign.com. This is a website for me. A site to showcase current work and share a bit of what makes me tick with my tribe. It was recently pointed out that I violated some privacy policy situation which I find amusing as again, this is a personal site. So I looked up privacy policies online and was instantly amused by the format they all pretty much follow. 

In honor of playing by the rules and keeping in the good graces of the powers that be, I have re-posted my very own version of a Privacy Policy. It dictates how I manage your privacy on my site and, in ways that surprised me, a rather amazing mirror to how I live my life in general. 

Enjoy. 

What personal data we collect and why we collect it

Comments

We collect absolutely nothing as this is a personal website for my own amusement and documentation. There is absolutely no other reason this site exists other than for my own narcissism and faux belief that anyone in the digital world has an attention span long enough to appreciate subtleties such os this. If you are the type to read the Privacy Policy then I guess you are, um, thorough. That being said, I am sorry to disappoint but I could not care less who you are, what your email is, your cel phone number, your dog’s name, your mother’s maiden name, or the street you grew up on. That’s your business. If I did know your middle name and the street you grew up on, popular urban lore dictates that I could derive you porn name. While being a super funny party trick, it ins’t on my list of things to care about. 

That is unless you fill out the contact form. To be clear, contact forms are for contacting other humans to ask questions, make comments, or schedule time to talk more with me. So in that case yes, I do care about your email and your phone number but still don’t give a you know what about those other things. 

Cookies

I like them. They are delicious. Otherwise, I have nothing more to add to this story. I had a Crumble Cookie with my daughter the other day and man, I wanted to hate it but dude, the vanilla bean cookie was legit. I mean seriously, if you have a chance, I would throw that into the suggestion bin. No, I am not sponsored by Crumble Cookie but if they are reading this and would like to sponsor me, you would literally make me the most popular dad in the universe. Seriously, my kids’ heads would rotate directly off of their shoulders. Just planting a seed there folks, just planting a seed. 

Embedded content from other websites

I write a lot, about a lot of things. People sometimes post cool crap I want to pass along. So, articles on this site may include embedded content (e.g. videos, images, articles, etc.). Embedded content from other websites behaves in the exact same way as if the visitor has visited the other website with one exception… it is on my site. 

These other websites may collect data about you, use cookies, embed additional third-party tracking, and monitor your interaction with that embedded content, including tracking your interaction with the embedded content if you have an account and are logged in to that website. Basically, they likely want to spy on you. 

To be clear this is them being annoying, not me. On those pages, just be warned. These folks do whatever they want. Seriously, if you have not heard the phrase “If the product is free, you are the product” then just know, it basically summarizes the internet. They know more about you than your mama, your grandmama, your priest, your rabbi, and your bestie all put together, times infinity. Just a friendly reminder to be aware and make sure you are safeguarding yourself to the degree you want to safeguard yourself from such things.

In the meantime, I am a huge nerd so the videos are likely all in service of that reality. You and I don’t likely know one another, and no website called out these terms in their Privacy Policies but I felt compelled to warn you. It just felt right. 

Analytics

Who we share your data with

How long we retain your data

I mean how long can anyone retain anything really? I can soundly attest to the fact that I will remember for the remainder of that day. Depending on how memorable you were, I may even recall this story by as far out as a week. Unless you are truly exceptional, I likely end there. Only a few single-digit amount of times will make the memory bank permanently. As of authoring this, I am not dead yet so there’s hope to make the list! I will keep you posted best I can if you manage to do so, but I likely won’t feel too compelled to write you and let you know. Good luck though!

What rights you have over your data

If you have an account on this site, or have left comments, you can request to receive an exported file of the personal data we hold about you, including any data you have provided to us. You can also request that we erase any personal data we hold about you. This does not include any data we are obliged to keep for administrative, legal, or security purposes.

Well since you don’t give me any data whatsoever, I would say this is rather a moot point. But if you have a story to tell my friend, get on up and tell it. I mean the better question is what control DON’T you have over your data? You have the right to be a giant pain in the ass. If you read the Privacy Policy on a site like this, I am guessing that may have hit pretty close to home. In truth people, you have all the rights to your data. 

I have the right to make fun you you for being that way. I will likely almost certainly have colorful commentary on why you have to have such a shitty disposition, and I for sure will mention on either an article, a podcast, or even base a book on you. If you are just here to help me do those things to someone else with a shitty disposition, I am open to conversation. 

Where we send your data

Depends on how cool you are. If you are cool, I save that in a folder for posterity. If you are not, the question is less about where I send your data and rather, where I tell you to store yours.

Your contact information

Additional information

How we protect your data

What data breach procedures we have in place

What third parties we receive data from